A long time ago near Nottingham,
The fire crackled cheerily as the famed Merry Men of Sherwood Forest relaxed. They had just finished the feast celebrating the birthday of Daniel Joseph Moore, one of their own. After innumerable toasts to his future good health and preservation from the clutches of the sheriff, they began to relate tales of his prowess in their many merry schemes. The story of greatest daring was that of the most unexpected rescue ever…
The Merry Men save
the Sheriff of Nottingham:
a tale of great comradeship and daring
One evening in their small but homely meeting-room, the Merry Men were preparing their dinner by themselves. In the glow of the warm fire, they chatted and mourned the fact that Friar Tuck (the usual cook) had gone to Nottingham with Robin Hood and Little John to watch the archery contest.
Merry Adelle entered, distraught and hungry enough to eat even the slop cooked by her merry comrades. As she ladled her slop into her bowl, Adelle said, sighing, “Alas, friends, fellow merry men. I’ve got some bad news.”
She continued, “As I was engaging in my usual business of climbing trees, I overheard him…the deputy sheriff. It sounds like he’s frustrated for some reason for never being mentioned in the Robin Hood legends…even as the bad guy. So I heard him discussing with his henchmen his plans to kill the Sheriff, blame Robin Hood and his Merry Men, and take the sheriff’s place as evil tax overlord of Nottingham! This is to take place tomorrow night.”
“Unbelievable,” exclaimed the Merry Men.
Adelle continued, “Well, there’s more. After his preliminary greetings, when the henchman spoke so low that I couldn’t hear him, the deputy congratulated him on infiltrating the castle so cleverly. He then gave him a vial of arsenic and told him that the sheriff’s bedroom was next to his own. The sheriff invariably keeps a glass of water by his bedside, as he is strangely struck with thirst every evening, and in this the arsenic would be very effective. In order to place the blame on ‘that jerk Robin and his band of miscreants’, the henchman was instructed to leave a note scrawled as in haste upon the wall of the sheriff’s bedroom.”
The Merry Men exclaimed, “Shock!” “Dismay!” “Oh what
shall we do?” “Do we really have to save that jerk sheriff? Can’t we just erase the note?” “No, because do you remember how often the current sheriff’s habit of whistling constantly has both warned us of his approach and driven his underlings insane? WE MUST SAVE THE SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM!”
Weak cheers filled the room.
“Oh, come on,” said Adelle.
Slightly less weak cheers rang through the room.
“So, what’s the plan?” she said.
“Well, we need someone to spy out the land.” She saw Sarah burst forth with excitement, and it was agreed that Sarah would be the spy. Cleverly disguised as an itinerant Sunday School teacher, she set off for the castle right away.
All were sleeping soundly except Liz, who was busy perfecting her erasing machine (originally intended for correcting written musical errors, its use has now become invaluable, for how else to erase the note?) and Brynna, who was looking up arsenic in her chemistry book and concocting a solution that would cause it to precipitate out of the water.
The next morning, Sarah returned, glad that she broke her fast at the castle and escaped having to eat the comrades’ leftover slop. She, too, related a harrowing tale. From her newly-formed friendships with the Cakchiquel-speaking castle staff, she learned that the task was harder than it seemed. Both rooms surrounding the sheriff’s bedroom were occupied by visitors. One was a scholar of languages, while the other was a bishop. Operating under the philosophy that it is always good to know one’s enemies, the Merry Men decided to send forth their resident experts in languages and theology. Dan and Brett sallied forth speedily, hoping to be able to eat breakfast in a village tavern before it was cleared away.
In disguise, the two met with their respective targets in the local village and engaged them in discussion of their proper fields. Dan was quickly convinced that the scholar is genuinely knowledgeable. Brett, however, having asked the bishop’s view on the hypostatic union, received the reply that “they should never have joined in the first place.” Satisfied that the culprit had been located, they rejoined the band, bringing back sandwiches for all.
After the sun had set, the Merry Men stole forth into the woods around the castle and reviewed the plan. They decided that Beckee would distract the guards while the rest would sneak in through the back door. When they were safe outside the castle once more, they would hoot like unto an owl, and Beckee, hearing this signal, would disengage herself from the guards.
Summoning all her courage gained from her long hours spent patiently teaching general music to the local village urchins, Beckee approached the first guard.
“Excuse me, but I am looking for a singing group to demonstrate to my class. You wouldn’t happen to know of any, would you?”
The guard replied, “Well, miss I—"
Beckee spoke up, saying, “No, no false modesty. I can tell by the sound of your voice that you are the perfect bass. And your comrade at the next gate, surely I have heard him singing in the tavern. Tenor, isn’t he—”
“Baritone, ma’am.”
“Baritone, of course,” said Beckee.
As the guards began to congregate, called by their flattered comrade, the remaining Merry Men sneaked through the now-unguarded gate. As the dulcet tones of “Lida Rose” swelled into the sky, the Merry Men navigated the twining corridors, following Sarah’s instructions to the sheriff’s room.
Peeking carefully around the corner, they observed the bishop sneaking furtively out of the room known to be that of the sheriff. The dastardly deed was done! As soon as the door to his own room closed behind him, they made their stealthy way into the sheriff’s room alone. Brynna and Liz set to work. Liz fired up her erasing machine and began to remove the incriminating message from the wall. Brynna poured her concoction into the bedside glass and then filtered out the precipitate. Soon, it was as if the bishop had never entered!
Returning to the gate, they saw a distressing sight: the guards were back at their posts! In the interval, Beckee had heard a real owl hoot and had ended the impromptu rehearsal prematurely. So a plan B is swiftly made up. Adelle, with her eternal love of climbing and characteristic foresight, had brought with her a goodly amount of thin rope as well as a bow and arrows. Tying one end of the rope securely to a really strong arrow and the other to a parapet, she shot the arrow into a tree in the woods surrounding the castle.
Still, to be able to use this zipline, the guards must once again be distracted. With his mad
ninja skills, Dan silently dropped over the wall and began to make a ruckus on another side of the castle. The guard below, looking away toward the noise, is blissfully unaware of the many dark shapes flying down the zipline and over the wall. When all are safely in the woods, Dan, again displaying his ninja skills, climbed the wall and detached the rope from the parapet.
The group then rejoined Beckee in Sherwood Forest--none too soon, for the sheriff and his party were returning, and Robin Hood in custody after the fiasco of the archery contest. The group was only consoled by the knowledge that they had at least thwarted the deputy’s evil plan. They slept poorly, not helped by their indigestion.
Two days later, Robin Hood and Little John and Friar Tuck
strolled back into camp. Much rejoicing! Good food! While eating some of Friar Tuck’s fare, Robin Hood relates a non-harrowing tale. The deputy sheriff, the only one who has ever been able to stand the sheriff’s whistling, was under arrest and awaiting trial for attempted murder of his immediate superior.
Proclaiming the sheriff’s death, the deputy neglected to confirm that the death had actually occurred. The sheriff’s entrance in the middle of this speech showed rather quickly that he was lying. In the resulting chaos, Little John was able to liberate Robin Hood from the sheriff’s men. The Merry Men then related the part that they had played in the deputy’s defeat, receiving praise from Robin Hood. He did, however, question them on one point.
“Why couldn’t you have just replaced the poisoned water?” asked Robin Hood. “...Ohhh. We never thought of that,” sighed the Merry Men.
Admiring my shoes
